Hot damn

The results are in! And it looks like Can I Kick It is doing the Denilson dance this morning. I can picture Gem now, in a speedo, doing a little samba in Jackson’s face, maybe finishing it off with an inappropriate thrusting gesture. So last week’s tightness has given way to a much more tiered table in A Liga. Titties on the way down, wangs and new faces coming up?

Player of the week? Probably Velvet Slippers’ Jamie O’Hara (1 goal, a sort-of assist, 90 minutes, 44 successful passes and winning points) because as a Pompey player he’s a constant gamble. But he seems to be runnin’ tings down there. I say “tings” in the rudeboy sense because that’s how I imagine he speaks. Especially around the African players:

JH: “Oi, Kanu, put it on me ‘ead and ting. Yagetme,blood?”
NK: “Actually, no james. I haven’t the foggiest. Could you repeat the question?”

He also has a lovely missus too. Let’s make her our wag of the week, shall we.

Ok, readers’ letters. Last week Jackson from Redfern wrote in to say:

“the bottom 5 looking more certain as well! The wandering wangs look like they might escape after being low for the whole season. What happened to pome power?”

Good question, Jackson. What did happen to Pome Power? It’s fair to say Craig jinxed all over himself with his mildly national front comments back when England’s titties, tarts and Poms were in first, second and third respectively. Thanks for that Craig, mate. Not only have you condemned yourself to imminent relegation but you seem to be dragging the titties down with you.

Speaking of which, the curse of Lil’ Jermain Defoe struck again! You may remember last year, my Happy beating jerry team offloaded (golden boot winning) Anelka for JD only give up after one game and break himself for 10 weeks. This time, the wangs accepted a bid of Diaby + Scotty parker and guess what? Torn hamstring. Curses! Bloody gypsies. Thanks Craig.

But getting back to Jackson’s comments- are the bottom 5 really a certainty? If you’re Henrik, then yes. But a few cheeky swaps and a couple of good runs could definitely see the jerry babies and co get out of jail. Look at all the talent down there:

-Nani,
-Anelka
-Fletch
-Reina
-Agbonlahor
-Kuyt
-Dunne
-Mascherano
-Crouch
-Lennon
-Adebayor

Surely, swapping one of these for 2 or 3 less flashy utility players will put points on the board. Plus a little superstar- injection for those at the business end might put your team in the “money” spots in May. Just don’t give them to Gem. Or Jackson. Or either of the Daves, Rob or Blake. Thank you.